Sacra/Profana

Hey World,


          So you know how you work really hard at something you won't see till later, and when you finally do see it, it blows you away? Well that is exactly what happened to me recently. I've been singing with this amazing chorale group called, Sacra/Profana, and even though its been a challenge its been so much fun. We recently shot a music video for a Jimmy Eat World song called CHASE THIS LIGHT..I think you guys should check it out.
Also check out my friends Bunnell Strings...


Sacra/Profana & Bunnell Strings - Chase This Light (a jimmy eat world cover)









thanks for the love World
                                 Vic

What it is Life?

Hey World Hey,


          Life. One small word, but yet it holds great meaning. Some understand it, and seem to cruise right along in it. Some struggle through and barely make it out. The Bible says life is "a vapor that appeareth for a little time, then vanisheth away." Popular culture says life is a Highway and I'm gonna ride it all night long. Pessimists say life is a B****, optimists say life is beautiful. It seems everyone has an opinion of what life is. That's easy to assess because everyone goes through life differently.

          So honestly, I think people should form their own opinions about life, and do their best to live the best one you can.


          That's it, love ya
                          Vic

The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil - Carolyn

Hey World Hey, 

          Carolyn, when I met her I was blown away. It was like a breath of fresh air. The light finally came on at the end of the tunnel. My wings were full grown, I could finally take flight, and every other cliche you can think of. It was almost perfect, and I say almost because there were a few issues from the start. Issues like ex boyfriend drama, previous psychiatric battles, daddy drama, and ex baby issues. Oh and did I mention she had a boyfriend at the that time. ( Just by reading that paragraph you can already tell that the what I learned portion of this chapter is extensive.) Nevertheless this girl was amazing. She didn't hide her past, but she didn't glorify it either. It was as if she accepted it and had moved on from all of those issues. I was instantly hooked by her down to earth persona. It was refreshing to meet a girl so cool. However since she had a boyfriend, and I wasn't about to step on his toes. I kept all notions of my feelings free from her radar. It wasn't hard to do because she was oblivious. She knew very little about me. 

          Well needless to say a short time after we met she broke up with her boyfriend, (go figure huh) and not long after that we were "talking". We  were both very into each other and we might as well have dated, but we were both trying to give her a respectable time to "get over" her last relationship., or so I thought. Well after a tear filled conversation about how I didn't want to be serious and how she felt neglected I asked her out. (don't judge me to the end) We dated for a month or so, things were good in fact they were beautiful. Everything was looking like forever was in the distance. Then slowly but surely the issues, that I thought in the beginning were taken care of, started to creep out and come between us. Now in all fairness I had my own situations with work and school going on that kind of got in the way as well. You know the natural things like work, school, money, those kind of issues. Things that could cause problems with any relationship. That being said, things got really tense at times, they were really awesome as well, but it seemed the deeper we got into the relationship the more the bad outweighed the good. We tried to take the relationship in better directions multiple times. We would talk, we would decide on a direction or action, then we would try to go there. Eventually she wouldn't like the direction or I would cave and we would go right back to where we were. It just wasn't healthy physically or mentally for the both of us. 

          Believe it or not, I loved her, hard, even through all the drama. I loved her with all I had and I made sure everybody knew it. At times I couldn't even tell you why, but I did. I even had gone as far as to save money to set her grandmothers ring in a new setting. I was planning the proposal, had the jeweler picked out. It was forever for me. I thought I could deal with it all. You know all the issues, all the fighting, all the tears and late nights of worry and anger. I thought we could work it out together. However, our plans differed, our minds were totally on two separate plains. So after a lot of fighting, bickering, and confusion we broke up. I believe it was for the best. At first I didn't think it would happen. I never wished it to happen but it did. It was hard at first. It's supposed to be hard. Not gonna lie, I cried the first day. But; I took a step back to evaluate myself and realized that it was absolutely the best thing for me. I used to think she was the best thing for me. Funny how that works out.

                                                     What I learn from Carolyn

1. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, its not a dog but it may be a goose. Red flags are very important in any relationship. Red means stop. Think about what your going to do. Me, I didn't do that. I dived head first into a puddle and tried to roll around and hope I got wet. It was the dumbest thing I could have ever done. I should have never gotten into the relationship in the first place. I do not regret it, but if I could do it all over I wouldn't do it at all. it wasn't worth the stress. It looked like it was going to be perfect. It look like a great match, but looks can be deceiving. 

2. If a girl has issues with their father, she will have issues with you. Point blank. Nuff said. 

3. Protect your heart and your sanity. I give both of those things away too easily I always have. Its my personality. I can be so engrossed in a girl that nothing else matters. However that is a wrong way of thinking, because everything else matters. 

4. Lead her no matter what. If she doesn't want to follow than that's on her. Never be so afraid to lose her that you lose yourself and modify who you are and what you believe. I did that with her. i was so afraid of losing her that I tried to do whatever I could to keep her. Again, that's wrong thinking. No relationship is important enough for you to lose value in yourself. 

5. Take responsibility. You know blame is always thrown around after a breakup, but honestly this relationship was on me. It should have never happened. I knew better. I've been through enough on my own to see the red flags and heed them, but I didn't. I was too caught up in the emotional, physical, and personal benefits of the relationship that I didn't care. Its always nice to have somebody around, but it came at a high price. I should have made smarter decisions. 

          When it all boils down, yes, love is blind. The thing that most people forget is that you have 4 other senses to use when love has blinded you. Every one of them can help you see more clearly. I wish I would have payed more attention to my senses early on, because pain, stress, frustration, and loss, all suck simultaneously. 

Hope this helps somebody out there.

Love ya world,

            Vic 

          

What Constitutes Failure?

Hey World,


          The game of life is a tricky game to play. I know that's a very cliche thing to say, but its still remains true. You hear it all the time, people say " You win some, you lose some", as if it is just as acceptable to lose as it is to win. Makes me think, about the times I've "won" in life and the times I've "lost". Are they of equal significance? The answer is no, in fact a HUGE NO! I submit to you that losing, is better than winning....Wait! Let me finish before you freak out...I am saying that ,in life, you get more out of losing than you do winning. That is, if you apply yourself. Which is the constant problem for a a lot of people.

          See when we lose we like to think of it as failing. I don't like to see it that way. Losing is life's way of telling you exactly what you need to do next time to make it better.I believe that failure is two things. First, failure is what happens when you refuse to acknowledge the tools that losing gave you. Its not that you simply don't learn from your loss, its that you refuse to acknowledge that you need to. The thing about losing is you can lose more than once and for more than one reason. This little nugget of "life's lessons" is hard to perceive, hence multiple mistakes, repeats, breakups, missed shots, and lost opportunities. Personal example: I've been in a few relationships, people would call them failed. In some ways I can see why, but if I apply the "loss lessons" ( as I will call them) would it all have been a failure? I like to think I've learned a lot from relationships about myself and what I need, dislike, can tolerate, and love, as well as how I react and function in certain situations. Relationships is only one are though. I remember a situation where I was playing a 3 on 3 basketball game. My team had already beaten the other team 2 games to none. We had a simple formula my teammate would drive the ball in, his father would set an off ball screen for me and my teammate would pass me the ball and I'd shoot the outside jumper. We would do this for at least 5 of the 11 points needed to win. Thing is, the other team caught on to the play and my shooting approach and blocked my shot every time I went up to shoot the ball. I became so frustrated that I stopped trying for the shot, and the other team won the game. What happened there was the other team applied the "loss lessons" and I Failed. We clearly had the skill to beat them for the third time, but I failed to adapt to the new challenges.

          The second way I look at failure, is the refusal to apply what you've learned. You can clearly see that you need to change some things but you don't instead you move on to something different and continue to have mistakes, repeats, breakups, missed shots, and lost opportunities, plague your life. You think your done with it but over and over again it comes back. Why is that? It is because you didn't take the time necessary to apply those loss lessons. So over and over again no matter what you do its going to plague you. It's like this. If your shoes come untied and you fall, do you tuck them back in your shoes without tying them or do you tie them, before you get up? Its simply put in this manner but its a shame how many times we leave our shoes "untied but tucked" in life. I'm so guilty of this just neglecting the fact that I need to improve some area in my life before starting another venture. I think sometimes that its unrelated and won't affect me. WRONG! It always comes around through the side door and takes a big chunk out of my butt. I can't be mad though, I left it there and left the door open for it to sneak in.

          So next time you lose at something or lose someone, remember that life is trying to teach you a lesson, One that could prevent you from further loss in the future and produce a win. More importantly, life is teaching you something that could prevent you from failure.


Till next time world
                    Vic

The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil - Stella #2

Hey world,


          So I know I said I would post this tomorrow, but I had to get this out today!! So you know how there are those girls that give you all the signals and every inkling that they are attracted to you or that they like you? You know those girls, the ones that tell all their friends about you. They tell everyone how they feel about you, but you. Yea that was Stella #2. However, unlike Stella #1, Stella #2 couldn't speak to me in person at all! Well, I mean she would smile and continue conversation, but she didn't speak unless spoken to, at least not to me she didn't. It was a very quiet friendship (because we never dated), but man she just looked so good! UGH!! It was frustrating at times, but then again we were both kids, 17 years old, no knowledge of what a real relationship was going to be. All we knew was that we liked each other.

          Thing is, she was smart. She said she didn't want a relationship until she had spent some serious time in school. Seeing as how we were both freshman at the time, I was OK with that. In fact, I respected it and was completely on board with it. You see, contrary to popular belief at the time.
I really liked her. Like a lot, a whole lot. It wasn't love, I had yet to figure out what that was, but to me it was pretty close, at that time. Like I said earlier I was a kid. I was dumb and inexperienced in the ways of women. I had no idea that what i thought was a good thing, wasn't anything at all.

          Yea, as quick as it started, it ended. She just stopped talking to me one day. I never knew why, till this day, but hey, if it was that easy it wasn't meant to be. In all reality I probably did something to make her upset, or I said something or somebody else said something. Either way it was done. It didn't hurt me, it was just perplexing. I couldn't seem to figure out what I'd done wrong. That's what messed me up the most, not knowing. It was like someone coming up to you and smacking you in the face and you had no idea why. I raked my brain for months afterward trying to figure out what I'd done wrong. Eventually I just got over it....and yea that's the story of Stella #2.

      What I learn from Stella #2

          #1 Establish a better foundation before you really commit to something. Now this could come off as having commitment issues, but it really isn't. It's being smart. It's choosing wisely to better yourself. It's having the mental fortitude to know whether or not you want to pursue a relationship with this person based on who they are, and what you can and cant live with. I believe that is exactly what Stella #2 did. She made those decisions for herself while I was too busy feeling. She was thinking. 

          #2 Talk about more than just your day. Really get to know the person, what makes them tick and click and cluck. these things are important. If there is no depth than when the tide comes its over.
(and the tide comes in daily) 

          #3 Spend time talking alone, without friends. If there is never a point that you can have one on one conversation. You will never really see that person for who they really are. Phone calls, emails, hand written letters (I know old school), all of these will help you have those intimate conversations without pushing the boundaries of comfort.

          I guess if there is a nugget of wisdom in this it would be just to realize exactly what your getting into before you do it. If I would have realized this, it would have saved me a lot of trouble.

love ya world

Vic

 

Whats new in the world?

Hey world

     Its been a while, but here I am. I have been pretty busy. Things have picked up in my life and it gets a little crowded sometimes, but boy is it fun. Lately I've been trying to be more social, because for a while I wasn't doing any of that mess lol. Work has just been too crazy!
I now work 2 & 1/2 hours away from my home, and my city San Diego. I miss it at times, but I'm home as much as I can be. For those who don't know, I am a respiratory therapist in a city called Indio, California.
I'm currently trying my best to get back to San Diego, Its just going to take a little work on my part. Which I'm totally down to do, and doing. But other than work, not much else has been going on. Just doing my thing, (which means sleeping and eating and working) but yeah, even my instagram posts have been boring. So you know I'm boring. Follow me still if you want @deceivingmocha same as my twitter account.

Oh before I forget, My brother and I put a new YouTube video up. Its a song i wrote when I was 18 I believe, I can't really remember which girl I wrote it about or for, but whatever its a good song.
I'll link it at the end.

Speaking of Girls, Tomorrow I will post "The Love of Women: the root of all my evil -Stella #2 and Ameila. Which are two separate posts guys don't get exited. They should be pretty fun to read as they are going to be fun to write.

Lastly, if you guys have questions or comments you would like to as leave them here or at my gmail @victor.marshall2@gmail.com

love ya world
dueces

A Path of Mine Own

Hello world,

A storm is brewing, big change is approaching,
The Devil is at hand,
The sky is darkening and the world grows dim,
But I still hear the band,
Waltzing out of time with no direction,
Lost in the shadows of mine own complexion,
Trapped in the hourglass of life's selection,
Still steady drips the sand.

A mind still working, A life worth saving,
Both of which have grown,
The glass breaking, The canopy ripping in twain,
Everything I've known,
Mocked by those who can't relate,
Tears from some will come too late,
The time is now I must create,
A path of mine own.


                             Victor. P. Marshall II


I kinda just wanted to prove to myself that I could still do this, but it turned into something more. Explanations will come later for some, others will never quite understand. but until then....
Love ya world.

"The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil" - Introduction

Hey World

        Here it is the first installment of the book, it is introduction, to what promises to be an insightful and interesting journey through my memories and onto paper. I will be writing these one "story" at a time, hopefully I can do it weekly but I won't make any promises. I would appreciate your comments and input. Thanks everyone...enjoy!

                                                      Introduction

       Right off the bat I want to say the purpose of this book isn’t to glorify the relationships I’ve been in. Nor is it to degrade any of the women/girls I’ve been interested in or dated. It is more to help me see where my mind was at and where it is today in regards to women and how I am in a dating relationship, with the hopes of helping other people realize their own shortcomings and strong suites. I have found that people often jump from relationship to relationship without considering the reasons, or "breakup factors" contributing to the failure of said relationship. If solutions to these "breakup factors" are not implemented, a person often ends up repeating the same mistakes and compiling them with new ones in a new relationship. This book, call it a memoir of sorts, is my attempt to correct my own mistakes. By looking into the mindset of a younger me; using hind site, which everyone knows is 20/20, I hope to see the error of my ways and prevent myself from making the same category of epic failure.
      
        All of these women’s names have been changed of course, because let’s face it. People are crazy. I don’t want anyone to hunt these girls down and pester them at all. Some of them are happily married with lives of their own and I personally don’t want to be involved with any embarrassment or harassment. Some of them might recognize the stories and be offended by the content, to that I say write your own book. To the best of my ability, all of these stories are true and from my own opinion, and as you will see, I hold no punches of what I thought then and what I think now. Some of these stories are indeed humorous and some of them sad. Such is the dating life. I do not consider myself an expert in relationships in any way shape or form. These are simply my own experiences, good and bad, and what I’ve learned from them. Thank you for taking the time to read this far, I hope you will enjoy the rest of the book.

                                          

Love ya World!

You are not alone

Hey World,

   There are times when everyone feels alone. There are times when you think nobody understands you, and no one cares. I've been there. We have all been there. The funny thing is, in most situations, we are surrounded by people who care about us and love us. We just can't see it. It's a temporary blindness brought on by emotional stress, crisis situations, or maybe you just WANT to feel down. (Believe me, It happens sometimes.) Either way, EITHER WAY,  in these moments we have to pause, we have to calm down, we have to look around and see all that we have, and open our eyes to the love that is waiting for us. It is here when we will see that we've been pushing our friends and loved ones away out of anger and or pity for our own selves. We neglect friendships and burn bridges in our minds that are made of steel in reality. This mentality has to stop. We have to stop and take time to rebuild those relationships or we wont have anything to rebuild later. Only because we've pushed everyone else so far, that it almost takes force to bring them back again.
   

    We grow older and lose friendships, but I want to take time today to recognize some of the people that have made my life bearable lately.

first my family, that goes without saying

My brothers (left to right) Houston and Eddie. whenever I need someone to talk to 

or set me straight, put me in my place, encourage me, or somebody to cry to, I call them.

My dude Danny, Sometimes people go through things that bring them closer together

well, we've been through most of it, and are still strong

My guys, my link to everything ( L2R: Nick, Me, Dan, Jon, and Dave)

Couldn't survive without these guys in my corner

Titus Golden, My shrink, my friend, my conscience, the angel and devil on my shoulder.

Your neighborhood friendly Darryl Gittens, funniest guy I know

with a heart of gold covered chocolate, hit him up ladies on twitter @EightBars

My bro, Kuresa. One of those people you go without, but can't do without.(makes sense think about it)

and yes, he is a ninja.

Now enough of the guys its time for the ladies.

These girls I don't see at all, but I know they pray for me and hold me down on a level that 

I may never understand. (Ana and Una)

This chick, Lisa is always down for fun, and always down to study. Shes always got the 

educational scoop on what's going down at school. She made clinicals fun for me and 

she is a good friend (and yes I am a ninja too)

My mistress Gabby, Love her to death and I just met her. She's Awesome in every sense of the word.

Ancilla doesn't even know me, we never met. We just so happen to follow each other on twitter

but, there have been times when I've seen her tweets at the roughest time of the day and she's made me laugh or smile or just be happy and thankful. Its people like this that do things for you and they will never know.

This is the perfect picture to describe Sarah Pearl. She's a nut but she's a good person and she loves her friends and family.

 Steph is going to kill me for this picture but I don't care, She's one of those people who will come when you call no matter what. She is a very giving person, so sometimes I give her 5 min to talk about unicorns

Allison, If
I could have a daughter who was a year and a half older than me, then Alli would be it. She's so small but she's strong and smart, and packs a mean punch

Here she is, The love of my life Amanda. I could say too much about her so I" will purposely not say enough other than, Without her I would be a mess, and not a hot mess a straight mess.

Last but not least, the woman that made my woman possible. Shirley Tadiarca (Amanda's mom)

She is the first to be encouraging and help me when I need it. She is subtle and precise with me and I like that, she gets me and makes sure she includes me in her prayers.

There are so many others that have made life great for me this past year or so, but many of them are not on social networks and I don't have pics of, and I think I've stolen enough pics for the day, but i am no less thankful  for them all . Take the time to think of those who love you and who you love. Hopefully the more you do, the less you will feel alone, and the happier you will be. 

Love you world,

Vic

BLEH!

Hey world,

You guys ever feel like that..."Bleh?" You know, like its hot outside and your dripping with sweat...Bleh! Your not sick, your not well, you kinda wanna puke but you kinda just wanna eat something...Bleh! Well if you don't know what I'm talking about, your either lying to yourself or your full of it! Either way, I know the feeling. I've been there. As far as you know I'm there now, but guess what citizens of the world... I have the cure for BLEH! 


Its a fresh perspective. That's it, easy as pie. (Which I never understood because a good pie takes work) Change up the scenery, take a vacation. Stop doing the same things you did yesterday. Get up and get out. It is and will always be the cure for Bleh! It's a trigger in the mind that needs to be switched. Leave the car in the garage, the boyfriend/girlfriend on the couch, grab the dog and go! Every now and then switch it up a little or the mundane atrocities of life will give you a bad case of the Bleh's


You heard it here from me
Love ya world
vic