The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil - Sandy

Hello World,



          These things get harder and harder to write, because I've honestly lost interest in this project. However I must finish what I start, and that'e exactly what I will do.

          Having said that, lets begin. Sandy oh Sandy, she was the one that I wanted, ooh ooh honey. If you didn't get the reference, step your pop culture game up. She was beautiful and smarter than she let others know. We looked great together. Were worked very well together, as friends. See, Sandy and I were almost too alike. We could finish each others sentences, break out in the same random song together, we even knew what the other was thinking and could convey that thought with a single look. We' had been that way since we first met. She was "my dude" I guess you could say. There was an obvious attraction there but we never acted on it, until it just became too much to handle anymore. Then with added outside pressures pushing us closer, we made that leap into a doomed relationship.

          It started out rainbows and butterfly's, and that lasted for about a week. The long distance aspect of our relationship, did more to stifle than anything else. Because while our friendship was based on how much we knew each other, our relationship was ruined by the same factor. In spite of our long standing friendship, our relationship was purely physical. Soon, as I knew would happen, she lost interest, feigned love, and did her own thing. All of which I knew she was capable of, just didn't believe she would actually do to me. Needless to say our relationship ended as quick as it started and it threatened to ruin the friendship. In time our friendship mended, but there is still that feeling of regret on both parts.

          The question comes to mind, "Was it all worth it? If the friendship is still in tact was the relationship worth it?" The answer is no. It wasn't worth the effort and emotional time we put into each other, and it wasn't fair for either of us. I guess we can both see that now, which is the reason we have remained friends. That and the fact that she hates to feel like she's lost. So she tries to keep me around.

                                                          What can I learn from Sandy

           1. Never allow outside pressures to influence your decision on starting a relationship. With Sandy it was friends, family, and honestly curiosity that drove us together. It was the easy way out of dealing with emotions and feelings we both needed to steer clear of. we both knew it would end, so even talking about long term seemed strained and fake.

           2. Long term relationships based on the physical will not work. Trust is important in any relationship especially a long distance relationship. without trust it is impossible to thrive. I am of firm belief that long distance can work, if the two involved are completely committed to each other.

           3. Never think that it won't happen to you. I'm gonna leave that alone

         




          So, I know I said I was loosing interest, but this one kind of sparked my interest again. So stay tuned for Betty, Lola, Serena, Blair, and Camille. Love ya world, till next time.

Vic

The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil - Carolyn

Hey World Hey, 

          Carolyn, when I met her I was blown away. It was like a breath of fresh air. The light finally came on at the end of the tunnel. My wings were full grown, I could finally take flight, and every other cliche you can think of. It was almost perfect, and I say almost because there were a few issues from the start. Issues like ex boyfriend drama, previous psychiatric battles, daddy drama, and ex baby issues. Oh and did I mention she had a boyfriend at the that time. ( Just by reading that paragraph you can already tell that the what I learned portion of this chapter is extensive.) Nevertheless this girl was amazing. She didn't hide her past, but she didn't glorify it either. It was as if she accepted it and had moved on from all of those issues. I was instantly hooked by her down to earth persona. It was refreshing to meet a girl so cool. However since she had a boyfriend, and I wasn't about to step on his toes. I kept all notions of my feelings free from her radar. It wasn't hard to do because she was oblivious. She knew very little about me. 

          Well needless to say a short time after we met she broke up with her boyfriend, (go figure huh) and not long after that we were "talking". We  were both very into each other and we might as well have dated, but we were both trying to give her a respectable time to "get over" her last relationship., or so I thought. Well after a tear filled conversation about how I didn't want to be serious and how she felt neglected I asked her out. (don't judge me to the end) We dated for a month or so, things were good in fact they were beautiful. Everything was looking like forever was in the distance. Then slowly but surely the issues, that I thought in the beginning were taken care of, started to creep out and come between us. Now in all fairness I had my own situations with work and school going on that kind of got in the way as well. You know the natural things like work, school, money, those kind of issues. Things that could cause problems with any relationship. That being said, things got really tense at times, they were really awesome as well, but it seemed the deeper we got into the relationship the more the bad outweighed the good. We tried to take the relationship in better directions multiple times. We would talk, we would decide on a direction or action, then we would try to go there. Eventually she wouldn't like the direction or I would cave and we would go right back to where we were. It just wasn't healthy physically or mentally for the both of us. 

          Believe it or not, I loved her, hard, even through all the drama. I loved her with all I had and I made sure everybody knew it. At times I couldn't even tell you why, but I did. I even had gone as far as to save money to set her grandmothers ring in a new setting. I was planning the proposal, had the jeweler picked out. It was forever for me. I thought I could deal with it all. You know all the issues, all the fighting, all the tears and late nights of worry and anger. I thought we could work it out together. However, our plans differed, our minds were totally on two separate plains. So after a lot of fighting, bickering, and confusion we broke up. I believe it was for the best. At first I didn't think it would happen. I never wished it to happen but it did. It was hard at first. It's supposed to be hard. Not gonna lie, I cried the first day. But; I took a step back to evaluate myself and realized that it was absolutely the best thing for me. I used to think she was the best thing for me. Funny how that works out.

                                                     What I learn from Carolyn

1. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, its not a dog but it may be a goose. Red flags are very important in any relationship. Red means stop. Think about what your going to do. Me, I didn't do that. I dived head first into a puddle and tried to roll around and hope I got wet. It was the dumbest thing I could have ever done. I should have never gotten into the relationship in the first place. I do not regret it, but if I could do it all over I wouldn't do it at all. it wasn't worth the stress. It looked like it was going to be perfect. It look like a great match, but looks can be deceiving. 

2. If a girl has issues with their father, she will have issues with you. Point blank. Nuff said. 

3. Protect your heart and your sanity. I give both of those things away too easily I always have. Its my personality. I can be so engrossed in a girl that nothing else matters. However that is a wrong way of thinking, because everything else matters. 

4. Lead her no matter what. If she doesn't want to follow than that's on her. Never be so afraid to lose her that you lose yourself and modify who you are and what you believe. I did that with her. i was so afraid of losing her that I tried to do whatever I could to keep her. Again, that's wrong thinking. No relationship is important enough for you to lose value in yourself. 

5. Take responsibility. You know blame is always thrown around after a breakup, but honestly this relationship was on me. It should have never happened. I knew better. I've been through enough on my own to see the red flags and heed them, but I didn't. I was too caught up in the emotional, physical, and personal benefits of the relationship that I didn't care. Its always nice to have somebody around, but it came at a high price. I should have made smarter decisions. 

          When it all boils down, yes, love is blind. The thing that most people forget is that you have 4 other senses to use when love has blinded you. Every one of them can help you see more clearly. I wish I would have payed more attention to my senses early on, because pain, stress, frustration, and loss, all suck simultaneously. 

Hope this helps somebody out there.

Love ya world,

            Vic 

          

The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil - Amelia

Helloooooo World,


          Haha, I start this one out laughing because of a conversation i just had with a friend. I was reminiscing trying to remember how this particular relationship got started. My friend was of no help at all. She was hating per usual, but its OK we will be entertained none the less.

          This chapter in my life belongs to a girl who I will affectionately call Amelia. However let me tell you a little bit about my life at this point. Picture me a senior in college, 20 years old with the world at my fingertips. A bright and shining future lay wait for me after two semesters were over. Hah, I was bored, tired of school and singing "the Diddy" ( I need a girl part 1 and 2) . I had been in some wreckers of relationships, of which I'll tell you more about later, and I had come out pretty scarred, but I wasn't going to let that deter me from finding "true love." Amelia came to me at a time when I was trying to stay away from females. Not in the I'm turning gay sense, but in the i need to chill kind of way, but that always works out to plan right...lol Now while I don't remember how I asked her out I do remember how we met.

          There she was, a cute girl, nice build, you could tell she was an athlete, which was a big plus. At the time I wasn't interested in her in a dating sense, but there was definitely an attraction. She was sitting all alone in the cafeteria. Eating all alone. She looked so, pathetic really. At first I didn't even notice her there, my friend who I was eating lunch with pointed her out. We both go talk to her, because at the time I was super shy and couldn't approach a girl. ( because I have no game whatsoever, real talk) We got to talking and told her that if she ever needed friends to sit with we come in every day at the same time to the cafeteria. Well my dude did the talking I just smiled and cosigned. So life goes on and a couple weeks pass bye. My friend tells me that he kinda thinks she's cute and wants to know more about her. So being the friendly guy that i was of course I knew her close friends so I inquired. Turns out she liked me. OK, so dilemma, a couple dilemmas. 1. she was hot 2. my boy inquired 3. what do I tell my dude 4. I'm tryna stay away from girls. I eventually (2 days later) told my dude and to my surprise he told me to go for it. Which I eventually did.

          The relationship was good for a while, and despite getting white knuckled in a movie theater I genuinely had feelings for this girl. There were some problems though. We didn't clicked as well as I would have liked. I am a very nonchalant kind of guy. I don't freak out much. I don't let my emotions come out in public. I usually trend on the calm, cool, collected side. That was a problem because she was polar opposite of that. Freak out and "trips to outer space were a frequent thing. At first I chalked it up to her just being a girl. However, eventually it started to affect me, and not just me but our friends as well. Of course her long time friends were now mine as well, and it was tense all around. In fact it was so tense I was advised to end the relationship. Nooooooo (Kevin Hart voice) I wasn't ready for that, so I mulled it over for a while. Still situation after situation finally influenced my decision and I ended the relationship. I could spend great time going over every thing and how it all crumbled down, but then it wouldn't be helpful at all, and that's why I'm writing this to learn more about myself. After college and Amelia I didn't get into another relationship for a while, I know it doesn't show much now, but I took the relationship with Amelia seriously, and it hurt to let it go, but I knew it was best for the both of us.



                                                          What I learn from Amelia

1. Stick to your guns. The thing with Amelia was I started off in a sticky wicket because it wasn't something I went after, it came to me. I was trying to stay away from all the relationship stuff and this is exactly what happens when you don't do what you know you should.



2. Emotional baggage and instability matters. Issues with exes and emotional problems that stem from that can ruin relationships. Instability is so audible its visible. I needed to learn to recognize it earlier and keep the situation at a safe emotional level for both parties. It taught me to work on my own stability as well.


3. Be picky. One of my biggest problems was taking what came to me. Side dooring it, going through friends or alternative routes to make decisions or ask girls out or whatever. I needed to man up and go after what I wanted and leave what I didn't need alone.


         

Whats new in the world?

Hey world

     Its been a while, but here I am. I have been pretty busy. Things have picked up in my life and it gets a little crowded sometimes, but boy is it fun. Lately I've been trying to be more social, because for a while I wasn't doing any of that mess lol. Work has just been too crazy!
I now work 2 & 1/2 hours away from my home, and my city San Diego. I miss it at times, but I'm home as much as I can be. For those who don't know, I am a respiratory therapist in a city called Indio, California.
I'm currently trying my best to get back to San Diego, Its just going to take a little work on my part. Which I'm totally down to do, and doing. But other than work, not much else has been going on. Just doing my thing, (which means sleeping and eating and working) but yeah, even my instagram posts have been boring. So you know I'm boring. Follow me still if you want @deceivingmocha same as my twitter account.

Oh before I forget, My brother and I put a new YouTube video up. Its a song i wrote when I was 18 I believe, I can't really remember which girl I wrote it about or for, but whatever its a good song.
I'll link it at the end.

Speaking of Girls, Tomorrow I will post "The Love of Women: the root of all my evil -Stella #2 and Ameila. Which are two separate posts guys don't get exited. They should be pretty fun to read as they are going to be fun to write.

Lastly, if you guys have questions or comments you would like to as leave them here or at my gmail @victor.marshall2@gmail.com

love ya world
dueces

The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil - Beatrice

Hey World,

          Every story has a beginning, a starting line, a gun blast, the fateful even that changes life as we know it, and this is mine. The first girl, I ever dated, like officially dated. Well, this is my first attempt at least. I could drag out this first paragraph to be structurally sound and feel better about myself, but I am dying to tell you this ridiculous story so I will begin. (See what I did there?)

          Oh the joys of being young and stupid. That is how I will preface this chapter, because that is exactly what it was, young stupidity. There was a time when I was oblivious to every female advance, every "she likes you" hehe, and every note passed. It was kind of pathetic really, but that was how I was. I mean hey, I was 15. Anyway, I kind of just walked around in oblivion happy and complete. Then I met Beatrice.

          At first, I wanted nothing to do with the girl we will call Beatrice. Yes, she was "cute", ok honestly she was beautiful, but I wanted nothing to do with her because my eyes were set on someone else at the time. I ignored Beatrice, and for the most part, barely had conversation with her. I never planned on ever crossing the friendship barrier with her. Apparently, Beatrice had other intentions. After a cruel twist of events like I like to call parental intervention, the girl I had my eyes set on was no longer an option for me. Since she was a dead option, I started to notice the other live options available to me. Some more appealing than others, but none more apparent than Beatrice. See Beatrice liked me and made everyone else aware of it. It started to become clear that I was the only one who hadn't noticed it before. Like the young stupid idiot I was, I started to like the attention, started listening to my horny peers, and started toying with the option of Beatrice. The problem was, Beatrice was vocal about her "like" for me to everyone but me. Apparently she talked about me all the time, she also had pictures, and things of mine, like candy wrappers and things like that. She would talk to everyone but me. Every time I would attempt to strike up conversation with Beatrice, all she would say was hey. No joke she could barely get off 3 words in front of me. This type of conversation, while later on in life was partial inspiration for a song, was in hind sight idiotic and I should have ran from it, but being the before mentioned stupid, young, child, I did not. It was honestly annoying, but I was intrigued, and determined to get to know her better. So I gave her my phone number, and surprise she could talk for hours over the phone but still no words in person.

          Time passed and many moons and overnight phone conversations later, Beatrice grew on me and I decided to ask her out. So being the young stupid kid I was I wrote it on a piece of paper and gave it to her. Of course she wrote back because the only thing she could seem to say was my name.  Victor
Perry Marshall (the second), every time I saw her that was the only thing I could get out of her, but as soon as I call her we could talk forever. So as most kids who rack up huge phone bills find out. my parents didn't like my phone habits so they took my phone. That meant, no conversation ever with Beatrice, and soon she slips me another piece of paper, saying we were broken up, and she had found someone else at school. Finally! I was surprised it had lasted that long. It was the weirdest relationship I ever had, because we barely had one. Funny thing is I saw her again almost ten years later, and all she could say was " Hi Victor Perry Marshall (the second)" Haha, disaster averted!



                                                        What I Learn From Beatrice

          First, peer advice is not always best, Take time to actually want to be in the relationship on your own, because your peers won't be in the relationship, you will. If I would have stuck to my original thoughts, this ridiculous relationship would never have happened

          Second, communication is very important. I could not stand the fact that Beatrice couldn't talk to me. It was that star struck, your important, I can't believe I'm actually talking to you mentality, that I hate so much. While I deserve to be treated with respect I'm also human and nobody important. I can't stand that type of girl, especially if she's my girlfriend. It just made me more apt to talk to anybody and everybody and not be closed off to girls I wouldn't ever see myself dating.

          Third, It shows me not to drag a hopeless thing on just to be in a relationship. I'm glad I learned that lesson early, because it could have bit me later on.  Beatrice should have ended before it started and I let it go just to say that I was in a relationship, which I tried to hide as much as possible anyway. See young and stupid.




          World, this is just the beginning of the craziness that was and is my dating life. It gets more interesting I guarantee it. If you enjoy it and have questions or comments please feel free to leave a comment and I will respond and answer them for you.

Till next time
VICTOR PERRY MARSHALL (THE SECOND)

The Love of Women : The Root of All My Evil - Stella #1

Hello World,

          Everyone anyone has ever known, if they are honest with themselves, can look back at the bullets they've dodged. Not literal bullets, but figurative, imaginary, life changing bullets. You know what I mean, the relationships that could have been catastrophic, for example; the baby trapper female, or the secret cutter. Those are scary. Most of the time the bullets that get dodged have already left the gun. Boy have I had my share of those. This particular story is not one of those. This is a story about dodging a pre-shot bullet, I'll call it a slug, and that slugs name was...Stella #1.

     

          This story starts out like an 80's television series. I'm just going to put that out there. Here I was, a sixteen year old kid, my first semester in college. I had graduated high-school early and was given an ultimatum by my father. Go to college, or go to our churches institute. Because I felt the need to study something other than Bible I went to college. Sixteen years old, wide eyed for knowledge and hungry for excitement, I quickly made friends, female friends. Of course, most of them, nay all of them were quite older than I was, but that didn't matter to them. Some protected me like I was their little brother, while others threatened to rape and defile me. I believe some of them meant it. For the most part I kept myself pretty clear of the admirers, using the phrase: "I'm trying to focus on school right now, not relationships." I wish I would have kept that mentality. Anyway, my love for socializing and music came together with the group of friends I started hanging out with. Singing, dancing, carrying on and what not became the norm for me, which obviously attracted more female attention. I boldly staved them off until the day that I met Stella #1.

     

          Stella #1 was, to me, the closest embodiment of my favorite actress, Catherine Zeta Jones. The first time I saw her I imagined her with a sword in her hand, black mask across her eyes, wearing cowboy boots with the spurs. WITH THE SPURS!! Needless to say we hit it off like no girl I had ever known before, bold statement for a sixteen year old. She was easy to talk to, and she talked to me in front of people, unlike Beatrice who I'll tell you about later. Man, we really understood each other. So after knowing her for all of two weeks. I decided to pop the question. Not "THE QUESTION", but the other question, the lesser question, the "will you go out with me" question. The only problem now was, how to do it.

          To the learned person reading this, understand I had never verbally asked a girl out before.  So this was a big deal for me. I didn't want to use the same method I had used with Beatrice, write it on a piece of paper. I was growing up. I had to impress. So I did what came natural to me at the moment. I punked out and sang her a remixed Usher song on her answering machine when I knew she was at work. Nailed it! She loved it, said yes, showed all her friends and we lived happily ever after duh! FALSE! She did love it, said yes, and did show all her friends, but happily ever after only lasted 2 days. See to my surprise she already had a man back home, with whom she lived with. If that wasn't bad enough, he was coming to visit in a few weeks. So we "broke up" and I didn't feel too bad about it, and I was kind of rude when explaining that to her. I mean, to me she had a man, thanks for the honesty after we get together, but whatever I'm done with you. So we stopped talking and that was that. At least that's the way I perceived it. 

          To Stella #1 we could still be close, in fact, she was mad that we were not still close. This was evident by a conversation we had a month or so after the "breakup" in which she accused me of not hanging out anymore and not having feelings anymore for her. All of which were true. I had not realized before that point that it mattered to her. The only thing I knew was that it no longer mattered to me. 

                                               What Can I Learn from Stella #1

     
          First, I learn to take the time to really get to know someone before you get into a relationship with them. It is the "look before you leap" concept. If I would have slowed my raging hormones down, I could have determined the fact that she had a boyfriend back home. That would have saved the embarrassment on both parts, and most likely saved a friendship.

          Second, I learn to communicate exactly what your expectations and feeling are in the beginning and at the end of a relationship. You see, Stella #1 thought we could still have something, but I on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with her after she told me she had a man. If We would have talked about that as we ended our brief relationship, feelings could have been spared.

          Third, I learn that even though the other person may have hurt you or even ruined your mentality of them, they are still people. They still have feelings, whether or not you share them. Being rude does not have place even if it is warranted. Do not hesitate to be honest but, you don't have to be intentionally rude, and I was.






Well world that is the story of Stella #1, she wasn't the first girl I dated and she definitely isn't the last. Or this would be a very short blog series. I hope you like it. I appreciate your feedback positive and negative. I will respond to all your comments and concerns in this blog series. If it's negative I'll read it and respond, but doesn't mean I'll do anything about it lol. Well I hope you like it and can learn from my life.


Love ya world,
Vic

"The Love of Women: The Root of All My Evil" - Introduction

Hey World

        Here it is the first installment of the book, it is introduction, to what promises to be an insightful and interesting journey through my memories and onto paper. I will be writing these one "story" at a time, hopefully I can do it weekly but I won't make any promises. I would appreciate your comments and input. Thanks everyone...enjoy!

                                                      Introduction

       Right off the bat I want to say the purpose of this book isn’t to glorify the relationships I’ve been in. Nor is it to degrade any of the women/girls I’ve been interested in or dated. It is more to help me see where my mind was at and where it is today in regards to women and how I am in a dating relationship, with the hopes of helping other people realize their own shortcomings and strong suites. I have found that people often jump from relationship to relationship without considering the reasons, or "breakup factors" contributing to the failure of said relationship. If solutions to these "breakup factors" are not implemented, a person often ends up repeating the same mistakes and compiling them with new ones in a new relationship. This book, call it a memoir of sorts, is my attempt to correct my own mistakes. By looking into the mindset of a younger me; using hind site, which everyone knows is 20/20, I hope to see the error of my ways and prevent myself from making the same category of epic failure.
      
        All of these women’s names have been changed of course, because let’s face it. People are crazy. I don’t want anyone to hunt these girls down and pester them at all. Some of them are happily married with lives of their own and I personally don’t want to be involved with any embarrassment or harassment. Some of them might recognize the stories and be offended by the content, to that I say write your own book. To the best of my ability, all of these stories are true and from my own opinion, and as you will see, I hold no punches of what I thought then and what I think now. Some of these stories are indeed humorous and some of them sad. Such is the dating life. I do not consider myself an expert in relationships in any way shape or form. These are simply my own experiences, good and bad, and what I’ve learned from them. Thank you for taking the time to read this far, I hope you will enjoy the rest of the book.

                                          

Love ya World!

The Difference Between Girls & Guys in the Friend Zone

Hey World

How often do we say "guys will be guys", or "stop acting like a chick"? Do we even think about what we are saying? Have you ever thought about some of the behaviors of girls and guys, and what makes them different? I have, but what I've come to see is that we are the same. We just do things in different ways, yet still accomplish the same end.

For instance, Girls cry about guys being dogs and playing with girls hearts and emotions, while using them to get physical and emotion pleasure. (I put a period there because I'm stating a known fact.) The truth is, girls do the same thing. The difference being, girls use guys to give them that emotional security, to be that friend they can always count on. Either way, either gender, the relationship will go nowhere. It stops abruptly in the friend zone with no chance of upgrade, leaving someone stuck.

Guys in the friend zone

Guys in the friend zone are pathetic and sad to be around. They stay waiting for this one girl to love them, hoping and praying for the day she "comes to her senses." The whole time, they watch while she continues to date dirt bag after dirt bag. Here's the thing, they play their cards right they always say the sweetest things, and are always catching the girl when she falls. they are, if you will, the girls janitor; every time she messes up her life she is there to catch her and help clean her up.

 The whole time knowing he is going no where, but hoping he gets somewhere. She keeps breaking his heart every time she finds the new boyfriend, and every time she reminds him that he's a great guy friend. This guy will never get out of the friend zone unless he makes a drastic change and either some how, some way appeal to her or he becomes that dirt bag and looses the friendship all together. 

Girls in the friend zone

Girls play the friend zone a little different. girls in the friend zone are the best friends to have as well. This is because, guys need this friend a lot more than girls need their friend zone buddy. Guys need tis girl to tell them how to dress, to approve dates, hairstyles, music choices, and foods. Guys use these girls as dinner dates, secretaries, party planners, and on occasion physical scapegoats. Thing is this girl lets herself be that for this guy and complains only to her friends. She uses all the attention to her advantage, and takes "all she can get" from the "relationship", knowing that one day he is more likely to slip up and she will get more. 

Either way, its a sad state to be in, knowingly or unknowingly, the friend zone does nothing but demoralize the other person. So how do we fix this?

#1 Confess: telling the other person how you feel is key to getting out of the friend zone

#2 Accept: if the person does not feel the same way about you, accept that

#3 Act: Realize that you have two choices and only you can make them. You can either move on and pull yourself completely away from the friendship, or you can continue as friends and bury your feelings

For those who are putting people in the friend zone, remember that its not about you. You can find that feeling of self worth and love anywhere but toying with another's feelings and emotions is not cool. It does nothing but damage and hurt the other person. It can also damage any future relationship you may have. Do your best to eradicate the friend zone parking in your life.

Remember world,

No parking in the friend zone.

              -Vic