Dear Victor: A letter to myself, from myself.

Hello World!!
First I want to say happy new year and thanks for reading my blog these past couple months. It's been so much fun and I will continue to post throughout 2012. I couldn't leave you guys alone. This post is a little different. I wanted to start a self tradition this year and write myself a letter about what is going on in my life at the moment, and things i have struggled with all year. The purpose is so that next year when i look back at this and read it I will have more positive to focus on and a timeline to see all that God has done in my life. Kind of like a here's where you came from type deal. Like I said this letter is a letter to myself so it's very personal but for those of who who know me it will make sense of certain things going on right now, and for those of you who don't know me that well it will give you some insight into my mind and truly let you into my world.

Dear Victor,

It’s the first week of the New Year. I just wanted to take some time and talk to you about where you’ve been, and where you are going. I do this because I care about you and your future, not for any other reason. I hope you take it all to heart and really consider what I have to say.

This past year has been challenging for you. It’s the busiest you have ever been. It has caused you lots of sleep, you’ve lost a few friendships, and it’s drained you physically, tapped you mentally, and stifled you spiritually. I know it’s been a busy year, but you also know that it could have been worse. It could have also been better, but you sat around being “content” with being unhappy. You’ve planned the whole year to finish school and get out of San Diego, but why? Why did you feel like the only choice you had was to leave? I think I know why. Your whole life you’ve been trying to be your own person. You hate being categorized and lumped into a certain type of people group. You hate living in the shadow of others but you consistently seem to stay there. You’ve allowed other people to define you for a long time and you secretly hate it. That’s why you do things that seem to be outrageous, like some of the girls you’ve dated, hell, like the number of girls you’ve dated. You’ve tried your whole life to be your own person. Thing is you’ve worn so many you’s that your just now finding out who the real you is. You don’t like being compared to your father, why...because you see his faults? No, it’s because you don’t want to be type cast in a certain roll. You don’t like it when people have you figured out. You’ve been trying to run from mistakes made as a kid, mistakes made yesterday, and mistakes you continue to make, but you fail to see that the impact you leave when running is deeper than when you walk, or just stand still. You’ve been bouncing from decision to decision about city and state, city and state; it’s ok to live in the same place your whole life. It’s ok to go to the same church your whole life. It’s ok to be close to your family and available for them to use at will for your whole life.

See, you’ve been placing emphasis too much on trying to be you for you. You forget those people who need you to be you for them. The old lady who stops you in the store and says she’s been watching you for some time and is glad she ran into you, the kid who secretly wants to be just like you when he gets older, the siblings who need their older brother to be around, and the parents who need to see that they did right by you. The problem isn’t San Diego, it isn’t Lighthouse Baptist Church, and it isn’t your upbringing, home life or past mistakes. The problem is in your head. It’s your perception of success and accomplishment. Take time to realize the path you’re on, and where you’re going. Contrast that to where you could have been. It’s not that you’re trying to be something you’re not. You’re just trying to be you in a way that isn’t you. Take time Vic. Do your best with what you have, where you’re at, and when you do that, do better.  

In a year from now, when you sit down to write this letter again, remember 2011, remember tonight and smile knowing that as these words are being typed you had already taken the steps necessary to get you to the happiness you feel now.

                                                                                                  With love and sincerity

                                                                                                                               -Vic

Once again I thank all of you for being a part of my journey and life. This has and will continue to become OUR WORLD and not just mine. Every post you read and comment on brings us closer together. Thanks for being here for me.  I look forward to spending a lot more time with you all in this new year!!!

                                                                                               Love ya world

                                                                                                           -Vic